Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Exxx-cellent ...

The dumbing-down of America is proceeding as scheduled, Mr. Rove. Here are the "Peanuts" and "Boondocks" strips from this morning's paper for you to pass along to the President. Yes, today's "Boondocks" is safe for him to look at; they're back to picking on Brokeback Mountain and leaving Iraq alone. And we're TiVo-ing "The Simpsons" for the President to watch during his workout.

Speaking of "The Simpsons", I must say, Mr. Rove, that you deserve congratulations as well as our nation's thanks. There's an AP story out of Chicago this morning that reports only one out of four Americans can name more members of the fictional Simpson family than they can name freedoms mentioned in the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution.

Yes, sir, I know the Constitution is "just a goddamned piece of paper". I remember when you said that to the President and he accidentally used that line in one of his meetings. The "liberal" media didn't pay any attention to it, just as you had predicted. It amazes me, sir, how often you're right about these things!

You certainly have taken the right appoach, Mr. Rove. The story goes on to say that more people can name all three American Idol judges than can name three of the First Amendment's rights. Yes sir, even the black guy, Randy Something-or-Other. No, sir, I really don't know what he used to do or how he became an Idol judge. Shall I put the FBI on it right away? Oh, you've already tapped his phones. Good deal.

This is actually funny, sir. It says here that one in five people surveyed thought that the First Amendment included the right to own a pet! Ha ha, what a ridicul-- what? Oh, I'm sorry, sir. I didn't know the President felt that way about pets. It won't happen again, I promise.

It appears that most people have forgotten, if they ever knew at all, the five freedoms enumerated in that First Amendment. And Mr. Rove, you have always said that if people don't know what their rights are supposed to be, how can they possibly argue when we take them away?

Let me see if I can remember this ... the five freedoms are the freedom of speech -- that's the easy one -- and freedom of the press, freedom of religion, freedom to peaceably assemble, and freedom to petition for redress of our grievances. People have forgotten all about the last four of those freedoms, and all five of them are -- hey, wait just a dang minute ...

"Freedom to petition for redress" should apply to American citizens being held in Guantanamo and elsewhere around the world, shouldn't it? And "freedom to peaceably assemble" ought to apply even to those groups who oppose what our Administration is doing, I'd think. "Freedom of religion" should apply even to people who worship outside our conservative Christian base (even, dare I say, Muslims?), and "freedom of the press" means we should allow the big papers and TV networks to run with even those things that don't flatter the President. Say, what the hell are we doing by stifling all of these--

I'm sorry, Mr. Rove. I was VERY much out of line. No sir, I'm a uniter, not a divider, just like the President. No, sir, never again. I lost my head for a moment, talking about First Amendment "freedoms" like they were something important. You have my solemn promise, Mr. Rove, that I will not exercise my "freedom of speech" again. Not while I'm working in the White House!

posted by Gary @ 11:35 AM


At 7:16 AM, Blogger moon said...

Dare I also say, that most canadians know more about the US then their own citizens...I can't believe how many times I have seen US citizens not even know the answer to how many states there are...hmmm does Bush know? oops, sorry...he has ppl to tell him those things lol.

At 10:18 AM, Blogger MichaelBains said...

I'd think. "Freedom of religion" should apply even to people who worship outside our conservative Christian base (even, dare I say, Muslims?)

Yes, Mr. President. Even muslims. Dare I add; even atheists???

BTW, I've linked to this one Gary. It reminded me that I'd thought to re-link to my favorite US Constitution site whilst driving in to work this morn. Thanks.

Quite nicely done sir.

At 2:40 PM, Blogger Amy said...

Doh! Who is Mr. Rove?

And of course we know ten commandments or freedoms or whatever you’re talking about… there was a song about it on Saturday mornings… “We the people in order to form a more perfect union… conjunction junction what’s your function… they call me yuck mouth cos’ I don’t brush… and I’m hankerin’ for a hunka’ cheese!.

See? Heh.

At 1:52 PM, Blogger Mojotek said...

Brilliant post... quite eloquently put, but scary at the same time. Amazing how satirical writing can get a point across so much more effectively than most any other form of writing.

At 2:26 PM, Blogger alyceclover said...

Ditto! Sad that a lot of people truly believe there is a "War On Christianity" being done by "The Liberals Plot To Destroy Christianity". Will DeLay's charges & resignation help wake them up a bit, that they are being mislead?


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