Friday, January 06, 2006

The Mother Of All Meme Posts

Uh-oh ... looks like I've been tagged. (WAIT - DON'T GO YET!)

I tend to avoid "memes" like the plague. I think it's supposed to be pronouced "meem", but as far as I'm concerned, you can pronounce it with two syllables, thusly: "Me! Me!"

Memes are like chain letters. Someone, most likely fighting a drunken stupor and squinting at their monitor through a cloud of marijuana haze, thinks it would be a good idea to make the lives of other bloggers a living hell. So they write a meme, then "tag" four of their soon-to-be-former friends to fill in this thing, add their names to the bottom of the list, send ten dollars each to each of the people above them in the list, and send it to four of their soon-to-be-former friends. Or something like that.

At least regular chain letters have the cojones to threaten you if you break the chain: "Pass this along within the next fifteen minutes to everyone in your e-mail list, or you will lose all your friends, become hideously deformed, contract terminal halitosis, and your dog will be run over by a bicycle courier on speed. And you'll have bad luck for the next six months."

Memes are much more insidious. It is simply considered to be the depth of discourtesy to ignore a meme when you've been "tagged" (i.e., covered with spray paint and abandoned) with one. And my oppressor - 'scuse me, my honorable tagger - Eric the "Blogging Boss" has seen fit to inflict one of these things upon me.

So, to ensure that this sort of thing will NEVER happen to this blog again, here is the Mother Of All Meme Posts. Let this be a lesson to all of you. (Just to make things interesting, one of the four entries for each question is absolutely true. I'll leave it to you to figure out which one.)

Thank you for sending this to me, Eric. And that chafing dish you got for Christmas that might have come from me? I want it back.

Four jobs you've had in your life:
1) Mad cow wrangler
2) Day trader in Enron stock
3) Stand-up comedian
4) Charmin quality-control inspector

Four movies you would watch over and over:
1) Dude, Where's My Car?
2) Manos, The Hands Of Fate
3) The Incredibles
4) Ishtar

Four places you have lived:
1) Inside my mom
2) Upstairs from my mom
3) Away from my mom
4) The seventh level of Hell (i.e., Las Vegas in August)

Four TV shows you love to watch:
1) "The Incredible Adventures of Bambi Big-Uns" (Playboy)
2) "Are You Going To Eat That?" (Food Network)
3) Anything with Paul Crouch and his epoxied-and-laminated wife (TBN)
4) "30 Minute Meals" with Rachael Ray (until she got married; she's not so damn perky anymore)

Four places you have been on vacation:
1) The sixth level of Hell (i.e., Las Vegas in July)
2) The fifth level of Hell (i.e., Chicago during a snowstorm)
3) The fourth level of Hell (i.e., the BVIs during the height of sand-flea season)
4) The third level of Hell (i.e., Los Angeles just about anytime)

Four websites you visit daily:

Four of your favorite foods:
1) Haggis
2) Tuna smoothies
3) A nice big hunk o' dead cow
4) Vegemite smeared on a chocolate-chip cookie

Four places you would rather be right now:
1) In a hot tub with Jessica Alba
2) In the studio audience of "Dancing With The Stars"
3) Baghdad, outside the Green Zone
4) Sailing the Mediterranean (with Jessica Alba)

Four bloggers you are tagging:
None. Do you hear me? NONE! Not a one! THIS MADNESS MUST BE STOPPED!

(Hey ... what's going on? My breath is getting worse, and I hear a bicycle courier crying outside ...)

posted by Gary @ 5:31 PM


At 6:20 PM, Blogger Angie said...

Gary...ya grumpy old man!!

Cute. :)

At 7:04 PM, Blogger Euian said...

Interesting vacation places.

At 7:06 PM, Blogger Seawave said...

Oh, glory, down with the intrusive meme.

However, your creativity may actually end up working against you. I sense you may be victimized again just for our own entertainment. I'll put you on my tag list for future reference hehe.

At 8:21 PM, Anonymous Helen said...

Good for you for stopping the insanity! (Nice battle by the way!)

At 9:01 PM, Blogger Carol said...

I enjoyed your responses! And way to go! I got my first "tag" the other day and felt SO guilty tagging four others. I'll follow your example from now on and not repeat the offense!

At 2:02 AM, Blogger Mitey Mite said...

Angie sent me ... so glad she did. I read down through your older posts and I am in a state of shock that there are TWO of us in Houston who think the same way about the political situation.

Cute meme.

At 8:58 AM, Blogger Courtney said...

Hi, here via Angie via Michele.

At 3:49 PM, Blogger Jetting Through Life said...

HA! Great post Gary!!!

I laughed! Thanks!!


At 2:07 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

When I do get "tagged" (may the gods protect me) I always tag the 3 or 4 people that seem to love the feking things.

The only one that was even vaugely interesting was the "100 things about me". That took awhile and was quite an interesting look back at what makes me .. well me..

At 5:19 AM, Blogger Miss Jes said...

hahahhaahhaha....your post tickled me. :)

At 5:49 PM, Anonymous Jinx said...

Hehe, your rantings are cute. If Lewis Black could get his DNA crossbred with a teddy bear...

Mister Gary, I dare say that would be you.

Awesome job. ;)

At 11:50 PM, Blogger The Blogging Boss said...


You are a great sport and so was I. I hate these MEEM or meme things too, but when Dave (ala Weezil) sent it to me, I had to olige. However, this is an experience you only need to enjoy once in a lifetime!

My favorites:

1) Tuna smoothies
2) Vegemite smeared on a chocolate-chip cookie

Men At Work would be proud of ya!

Great post. Even though the concept is irritating, it does make you laugh on a really bad day.

Sorry, but I had to pick you. I needed a good dry reply. You did not let me down.

BTW, I keep all of my gifts and never send thank you notes.

Happy New Year!


At 8:58 PM, Blogger utenzi said...

Haggis? No bloody way!

Living inside of Mom is hilarious. That's thinking outside the box! Well, you know what I mean.

At 10:39 PM, Blogger Mags said...

No WAY! I used to live inside MY mom too!

We must be soul mates.

At 11:42 PM, Blogger :: miss m :: said...

Manos... *laughs* That movie was so bad it remains one of the only MST3K episodes I couldn't manage to sit through.

Funny blog by the by.


Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

» Home

Location: Houston, Texas

Why the heck wouldn't you want to read the toxic byproducts of my mental processes? It's not like you're too busy to waste a minute or two here, you know. You ARE just killing time by mindlessly surfing the web. Pop open a brewski and stay a while.

Powered by Blogger
Design by Beccary

Listed on BlogShares

Humor Blog Top Sites