Thursday, October 20, 2005

Houston, We Have A Cliché

Did they have to go and do it?

Last night, the Houston Astros won their first National League pennant in 44 years of existence. Astros skipper Phil Garner looked right into the TV cameras and beamed, "Houston, we have a Series!"

This morning, the Houston Chronicle's banner headline read, "HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PENNANT".

Oh, sweet fancy Moses.

I'm particularly disappointed in the Chronicle. Think of all the potential headlines that would have made for fantastic round-the-globe repetition:

"AT LAST!"

"ASTROS FINALLY REACH ORBIT"

"GET DRUNK AND SCREW"

Instead, we get a re-hash of a 35-year-old panicked understatement from Apollo astronaut Jack Swigert. You may remember it from the movie Apollo 13, when they gave the line to Tom Hanks because, hey, he's a bigger star than Kevin Bacon: "Houston, we have a problem."

Boy, if I had a dime for every time I had heard that line, or a variation thereof, in one medium or another ... well, I'd have a lot of dimes.

During the Hurricane Rita traffic jam: "Houston, we have a traffic problem."

On Presidents' Day: "Houston, we have a mattress sale!"

When the BP refinery blew up, 60 miles away in Texas City: "Houston, we have a mushroom cloud."

And during my last physical exam: "Houston, we have a prostate."

Well, I have a new one to float. It's "Houston, we have had it UP TO HERE with that damn cliché!"

Jack Swigert is dead. We should let his exclamation rest in peace with him.

posted by Gary @ 6:21 PM

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Location: Houston, Texas

Why the heck wouldn't you want to read the toxic byproducts of my mental processes? It's not like you're too busy to waste a minute or two here, you know. You ARE just killing time by mindlessly surfing the web. Pop open a brewski and stay a while.




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