Takei (Rhymes With Gay)

I am very unhappy with George Takei.

Takei, also known as Mr. Sulu from the original Star Trek TV series, announced on Thursday that he's gay. He has come out of the transporter room most flambuoyantly, citing the influence of the character he portrays in the play Equus as having inspired him to go public.

In so doing, Takei has completely stolen the thunder from Sheryl Swoopes' announcement on Wednesday that she's gay. Doesn't seem particularly sporting of George to step on Sheryl's coattails, particularly since six-foot-tall Sheryl can beat the snot out of five-foot-eight George. (But she wouldn't, because he's 68 years old and, you know ... gay.)

I was particularly taken aback by Ms. Swoopes' announcement. Swoopes, a WNBA star, is a lesbian? I am shocked -- shocked! -- to hear that there are lesbians in women's sports! Particularly since, 20-some years ago, I was a radio play-by-play man in the women's athletic department of a major university. I knew a lot of female athletes in a lot of different sports, and let me tell you this: That was one of the leanest dating periods of my life.

So, the hip new thing is to announce you're gay. Ellen DeGeneres has done it; Nathan Lane has done it; Rosie O'Donnell has done it; and Anderson Cooper is waaay out there. The Queer Eye Fab Five are still hot (I'm talking about their careers, now), and rumor has it that even Harvey Fierstein and Richard Simmons just might be a little light in the loafers.

It's hip to be gay. It almost makes me wish I were gay, just so I could come out and be trés chic. (But, alas, I prefer the fairer sex -- a preference that Sheryl Swoopes and I have in common.)