Thursday, December 29, 2005

Somewhere, Vince Lombardi Weeps

They say, "Winning isn't everything," and boy, is that true. This Sunday, a win would absolutely suck cauliflower. Allow me to explain.


The greatest player since the last Greatest Player.

There's a running back at USC named Reggie Bush. He just won the Heisman Trophy as the nation's best collegiate player ... as a junior. Even if you're not a football fan, you have probably heard the names Jim Brown, Gale Sayers and Earl Campbell. Well, Reggie Bush is supposed to be better than at least one of them. Based on potential, Bush could be one of the best running backs of all time.

Meanwhile, there's a football team in Houston that has been the worst NFL team this season. The worst team in football one year gets to choose the first player in the following year's draft. The Texans are 2-13 with one week to go, and possess the the worst won-loss record in the league. If the season ended today, the Texans would get the first pick, and could sure use Bush.

But the season doesn't end today. It ends on Sunday. The Texans have one more game to play, and it's going to be a doozy.

See, there are four teams with records of 3-12. If the Texans win on Sunday, and those other four teams lose, there would then be five football teams with a chance to make that important first draft pick.

One of those 3-12 teams, the San Francisco 49ers, will be the Texans' opponent this Sunday. Let the "Bush Bowl" begin! (Or, I suppose, we could also call it the "Toilet Bowl" ...)

What you will see on Sunday is something that no one in professional sports ever anticipated: two bad teams, each desperately trying to lose the game, without making it too obvious that that's exactly what they're doing.

Unfortunately, I suspect that the Texans are such an inept team that they won't even be able to lose properly. Call me a fatalist (30 years of being a Houston sports fan will definitely do that to you), but I have a horrible feeling that the 49ers are going to do a better job of losing than the Texans will do.


No, that's not Ernest Borgnine. (At least, I think it's not.)

Vince Lombardi, that legendary football coach, once said: “Winning is not a sometime thing, it's an all time thing. You don't win once in a while, you don't do things right once in a while, you do them right all the time. Winning is habit. Unfortunately, so is losing.”

Unfortunately, so is losing.

The only way the Houston Texans can lose this Sunday ... is by winning. If winning means they lose, then the losing Texans will do what losers do; they will lose. Meaning they'll win. Which would suck cauliflower.

If you listen carefully, you will hear the gentle breeze carry with it a faint whirring sound. That sound would be Coach Lombardi, spinning furiously in his grave ...

posted by Gary @ 3:43 PM

10 Comments:

At 9:48 AM, Blogger Mojotek said...

That is one huge sports conundrum. You summed it up very nicely I might add...

 
At 7:37 PM, Blogger ariadneK, Ph.D. said...

On a random note...what will it be Wednesday night: Texas or USC?

I'm a born and educated Sooner, but I've also sprouted horns over the past couple of years; I love what Mack has done for them. :-)

 
At 2:32 AM, Blogger jane said...

Oh, I hope this game will be on tv. I know exactly what you mean about a team being so bad at what they're supposed to be doing. I think it's the Dodgers that makes me relive that. This is a game I'd like to watch though.
Oh! Mojotek used my favorite word: conundrum!
And ariad...who will win? You have horns & must ask? DUH USC!

 
At 11:24 AM, Blogger Leanne said...

Wow. As a 49er fan, I'm now quite torn. Thanks for adding even more stress to my life. Good luck...I think.

 
At 1:50 PM, Blogger Jenn said...

oh, damn, that took way too long to get my head around. a good reminder why i'm online while the dear SigOther watches 2 or 3 games at a time upstairs.

may the best loser ..um..lose (right?)

 
At 3:49 PM, Blogger Shane said...

in the name of the bukus, ditka and holy payton -- amen

 
At 3:50 PM, Blogger Jetting Through Life said...

Gotta love Vince!!! Go Packers!

 
At 2:25 PM, Blogger The Blogging Boss said...

Gary,

You sent the better Houston team our way to Tennessee at the turn of the century all over Houston not bowing down to Bud Adams over building a new venue. So we built him one like fools.

I would have to agree that the Texans might try to lose, but actually win trying to lose.

I enjoyed the run down of recent Houston football. -Eric

 
At 3:26 AM, Blogger Lonnie said...

Good job...Go bears

???


HAPPY NY FROM CHINA GARY

 
At 3:14 PM, Blogger Sid said...

Congratulations, you got Bush.

Btw, first time visitor. Enjoying your blog.

 

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

» Home

Name:
Location: Houston, Texas

Why the heck wouldn't you want to read the toxic byproducts of my mental processes? It's not like you're too busy to waste a minute or two here, you know. You ARE just killing time by mindlessly surfing the web. Pop open a brewski and stay a while.




Powered by Blogger
Design by Beccary




Listed on BlogShares


Humor Blog Top Sites