Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Computers Will Make Our Lives Easier, My Ass

It's 1:30 in the morning, and I've been drowning my sorrows with about a half-dozen beers. (It's okay; I'm big and I'm a Texan, which means I can drink more than the rest of you. Don't try this at home. Besides, I've had those eight beers over about eight hours, so I've kept up with my liver. But, as usual, I digress.)

I've been slurping Anheuser-Busch's finest because I'm trying to drown my sorrows. Because last night, my computer died. And I, generally a techno-savvy kind of information technology savant, can't bring the damn thing back to life.

Did I download a virus? Can I blame this whole thing on Microsoft's sorry excuse for a Windows built-in firewall? Or did my computer just decide to contract PMS and be ornery for five days? As of now, one and a half days into my ordeal, I don't know.

It started yesterday. I was in the middle of work, and I walked away from my PC for an hour. I don't know what the heck I was thinking, because as soon as you give a computer the unsupervised opportunity to play a practical joke on you, it will join the opposing side. And so it did.

All of a sudden, my PC would no longer recognize any of my hard drives. My bank accounts: frozen. My MP3s: disappeared. My work product: inaccessible. And all my internet porn: Oh sweet Jesus, don't get me started.

With the exception of a desperately-needed haircut, I have spent the past 32 hours of my life (not counting sleep; what are you, nuts?) trying to get this computer back into a state where the damn thing will function. My current situation is so bad that (you won't believe this) Microsoft, which generally charges $35 for a service call, REFUNDED MY MONEY. Now, when Microsoft won't take your money, you KNOW you're screwed.

And I am most definitely screwed.

I am so glad God created laptops, because it allows me to share my lament with the rest of the world. But for cryin' out loud, is it too much to ask for the Miracle Of Modern Technology to actually WORK the way it's supposed to?

I mean, when Bill Gates and his minions are taking pity on you, you can pretty much bank on the fact that you're HOSED ...

So, when you're surfing the internet on your perfectly-tuned computer, I hope you will think of those disadvantaged folk whose computers became our enemy. And watch your back. You could be next.

posted by Gary @ 11:59 AM

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Location: Houston, Texas

Why the heck wouldn't you want to read the toxic byproducts of my mental processes? It's not like you're too busy to waste a minute or two here, you know. You ARE just killing time by mindlessly surfing the web. Pop open a brewski and stay a while.




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