The Lunatic Fringe Strikes Again

I have long been of the opinion that one out of every 12 people in the United States is a stark-raving lunatic. I seem to remember reading a poll once that asked, "If you were given a choice between winning the lottery or having your eyes gouged out with red-hot pokers, which would you choose?" Eight percent chose the red-hot pokers.

That eight percent is what I call the "lunatic fringe", and politics has nothing to do with it. It's the people who do things that the other 11-out-of-12 of us cannot begin to comprehend.

Take, for example, this story from the Boston Globe: A 19-year-old man, who was supposed to be cleaning up a cemetery as part of court-ordered community service (after he broke into an apartment building), allegedly broke into a sealed Civil War-era mausoleum, pulled apart a skeleton, and played with the bones. AND TOOK PICTURES OF HIMSELF DOING SO.

"It's bizarre, absolutely bizarre," said Lieutenant Richard Siemasko of the Newburyport police. "I can't even imagine what was in his head. This is just a whole new level of weird for me."

A phenomenon which I now call "the April Winchell effect" (which leads one to make snarky comments that are wholly inappropriate to the subject matter at hand) overcame me when I reached this paragraph further down the story:

Jennifer Williams, 16, said it was the talk of the city. "Everyone has been talking about it," she said. ''It's so gross. Why would you want to play with old bones?"

Jenn, I think you might want to direct that question to Anna Nicole Smith ...

(Oh, I'm a-goin' to hell for that one. But it was worth it.)