Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Frightening Facts & Meandering Musings

There is no better value for your entertainment dollar than the news. Here are some items ripped from today's headlines:

BASS 1, HUMAN 0 - IT'S A FINAL

A fish caught in an east German lake near the Polish border not only got off the hook but also lured a 46-year-old fisherman to his death, police in the eastern town of Eisenhuettenstadt said Tuesday.

THEY SHOULDA USED EBAY

A rush to purchase $50 used laptops turned into a violent stampede Tuesday, with people getting thrown to the pavement, beaten with a folding chair and nearly driven over. One woman went so far as to wet herself rather than surrender her place in line.

MY TONGUE IS GETTING SHPILKAS

From the Houston Chronicle: Gene Simmons, of the rock band KISS, was not born with the name Gene Simmons. His birth name was Chaim Witz, and he was born in Tirat Ha-Carmel, Israel. Who knew?

It does not appear that his tongue has been circumcised. Makes you wonder how observant Chaim really is.

AND FINALLY ...

I've been getting a lot of spam lately (as I always do), and one subject header keeps appearing over and over, and now it's keeping me awake nights:

Who was the marketing genius who thought up Cialis SOFT TABS? It would not seem that you'd want an erectile dysfunction drug and the word "soft" anywhere near each other ...

During the 2004 Super Bowl, while the rest of the world was fixated on Janet Jackson's nipple flash, nary a peep was heard about Mike Ditka shilling for ... Levitra. (I'll pause while you try to get that mental image out of your mind.) But it wasn't bad enough that "Iron Mike" was pitching pills that turn men into crowbars. Then he had to start pitching footballs -- through a tire swing.

My wife and I were impressed by the magnificent subtlety of a aging jock throwing tight spirals through the center of the tire swing and screaming "OH, YES!" after every throw. If memory serves (we were laughing too hard to count accurately), the commercial featured three tosses in a row, from three different angles. Not to mention three screams of "OH, YES!"

I bet nobody tried to tell Ditka about no damn "soft tabs", nosiree ...

posted by Gary @ 6:19 PM

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Location: Houston, Texas

Why the heck wouldn't you want to read the toxic byproducts of my mental processes? It's not like you're too busy to waste a minute or two here, you know. You ARE just killing time by mindlessly surfing the web. Pop open a brewski and stay a while.




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