Things The MSM Didn't Tell You
Ripped from headlines around the glove are these masterpieces of journalistic effluent, which Fox News didn't see fit to share with the rest of us. Hmm ... maybe Fox is onto something ...
THIS IS NOT A GOOD OMEN
From Sri Lanka: Two doves freed at the launch of the Prime Minister's presidential election campaign Friday were killed instantly when they flew into a ceiling fan, police said.
There was a similar accident involving a dove in June last year when the Public Security Minister tried to free a dove at the launch of multinational UN peacekeeping exercise, but the bird was already dead after being too tightly squeezed.
Sometimes the jokes just write themselves ...
SOME PEOPLE SHOULD LIVE IN A CABIN IN RURAL MONTANA
From Cleveland's WEWS NewsChannel 5: A Garfield Heights woman is in trouble with the law after being accused of making dozens of false complaints against several of her neighbors.
Police say they have a long list of false complaints she filed over the years against her neighbors, numbering 79 complaints in all.
Her main targets were her next-door neighbors. The charges she made against them ranged from trespassing, to child abuse, to "engaging in unnatural acts with their animals."
This lady kind of makes Gladys Kravitz look like the Welcome Wagon, doesn't she? (That's an obscure nosy-neighbor reference piggybacked onto an obscure neighborhood-welcome reference. Two points for me.)
VIAGRA IS FOR WIMPS
From Johannesburg, South Africa: The hunt is on for three women who ambushed a 30-year-old man and forced him to have sex with them at gunpoint.
Rape is almost never funny. Almost. But in this case, if this guy was "physically able" to have sex with three women while staring down the barrel of a gun, he's got the weirdest fetish I've ever heard of in my life. Surely, he has a lucrative career waiting for him in the American porn biz ...
YET SOMEHOW, WALTER KOENIG STILL DOESN'T HAVE ONE
From the AP: The late comedian Chris Farley has been honored with a star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame.
Fans, friends and family surrounded Farley’s star, the walk’s 2,289th, in front of the Improv Olympic West theater where the actor used to perform. Among other celebrities in attendance were "Saturday Night Live" alums Chris Rock and Adam Sandler. "I think every fat comedian owes him 80 bucks that’s working today," Rock said.
Farley had about a five-year career in television and movies -- about one-eighth the length of the career of Walter Koenig, best known as Chekov from the original "Star Trek". Every other core member of the "Star Trek" cast (except for the security guards in the red shirts, which got killed in horrible ways by the special-guest-monster in every episode) has a star on the Walk of Fame. Not Koenig. C'mon, Johnny Grant, what are you waiting for? NAME A STAR AFTER SOMEONE YOU LOVE! (It'll be recorded in book form in the U.S. Copyright Office ...)
THIS IS NOT A GOOD OMEN
From Sri Lanka: Two doves freed at the launch of the Prime Minister's presidential election campaign Friday were killed instantly when they flew into a ceiling fan, police said.
There was a similar accident involving a dove in June last year when the Public Security Minister tried to free a dove at the launch of multinational UN peacekeeping exercise, but the bird was already dead after being too tightly squeezed.
Sometimes the jokes just write themselves ...
SOME PEOPLE SHOULD LIVE IN A CABIN IN RURAL MONTANA
From Cleveland's WEWS NewsChannel 5: A Garfield Heights woman is in trouble with the law after being accused of making dozens of false complaints against several of her neighbors.
Police say they have a long list of false complaints she filed over the years against her neighbors, numbering 79 complaints in all.
Her main targets were her next-door neighbors. The charges she made against them ranged from trespassing, to child abuse, to "engaging in unnatural acts with their animals."
This lady kind of makes Gladys Kravitz look like the Welcome Wagon, doesn't she? (That's an obscure nosy-neighbor reference piggybacked onto an obscure neighborhood-welcome reference. Two points for me.)
VIAGRA IS FOR WIMPS
From Johannesburg, South Africa: The hunt is on for three women who ambushed a 30-year-old man and forced him to have sex with them at gunpoint.
Rape is almost never funny. Almost. But in this case, if this guy was "physically able" to have sex with three women while staring down the barrel of a gun, he's got the weirdest fetish I've ever heard of in my life. Surely, he has a lucrative career waiting for him in the American porn biz ...
YET SOMEHOW, WALTER KOENIG STILL DOESN'T HAVE ONE
From the AP: The late comedian Chris Farley has been honored with a star on Hollywood's Walk of Fame.
Fans, friends and family surrounded Farley’s star, the walk’s 2,289th, in front of the Improv Olympic West theater where the actor used to perform. Among other celebrities in attendance were "Saturday Night Live" alums Chris Rock and Adam Sandler. "I think every fat comedian owes him 80 bucks that’s working today," Rock said.
Farley had about a five-year career in television and movies -- about one-eighth the length of the career of Walter Koenig, best known as Chekov from the original "Star Trek". Every other core member of the "Star Trek" cast (except for the security guards in the red shirts, which got killed in horrible ways by the special-guest-monster in every episode) has a star on the Walk of Fame. Not Koenig. C'mon, Johnny Grant, what are you waiting for? NAME A STAR AFTER SOMEONE YOU LOVE! (It'll be recorded in book form in the U.S. Copyright Office ...)
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