Sunday, September 18, 2005

I'm Going To Be Afraid. Always.

Oh, my head ...

I was watching the Emmy Awards when I was exposed (... yep, "exposed" is the word) to a commercial that has set the women's movement back about thirty years.

The tag line: "Have a happy period. Always." And "Always", of course, is the brand name for the absorbent feminine hygiene soaker-upper.

On a wicked hunch, I typed "" into my trusty, non-absorbent web browser. And yep, it's the Internet home of the aforementioned pads. And on that website, you'll find the answer to the question, "Why can't men understand women?"

Here is the opening screen to the United States version of the website:

This is the time of the month that chocolate was created for.

This is the time when no toe nail should go unpolished.

When the gym will get along just fine without you.

This is the time when, if something is even slightly annoying, the world should know about it.

And if you feel like crying, there is no inappropriate time or place.

It's your period.

You have the right to make it the best period it can possibly be. And we're here to help.

Okay, I'm afraid. This is everything I have come to fear from PMS-enhanced ladies, summed up in seven lines. And I don't care if it's accurate. Chocolate's fine, toenail painting is fine, slacking off from the gym is fine. But when such a woman finds something even slightly annoying, they all seem to seek me out to rant about it.

I'm frightened. Hold me. (But not if you're being, you know, "visited by your friend". And if you are, have a happy one. Always.)

posted by Gary @ 9:16 PM


At 2:05 PM, Anonymous Gabby said...

LOL. You are hilarious. I had a stalker a couple of months ago. And this one friend of mine advised me to tell the stalker that I have my period, and that will surely keep him away. I asked my friend if a girl has ever done that to him. He said no, but it'll certainly keep him away. Your post just reminded me of that. Damn, your specie can be funny sometimes!

At 3:12 PM, Anonymous Anna said...

Ha! I love how periods get guys all flustered!

A random observation I made last spring: Swiffer Wet pads are just larger versions of Always pads, dri-weave and all! (You can read about it in my archives if you really want to know...*wink**cough*)


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